Hey!

A Snippet of Why I Am Here . . . 
 

Oh, where to start! I’ll summarize the beginning of my Christian experience while spending long summers visiting my grandparents and attending a missionary Baptist church. We lived in the city, and my grandparents lived in the country, a little bayside town right off the Gulf of Mexico. We spent several summers there. Summer break meant spending time with my older brother while home alone during the day until my mom returned from work. Those were long days filled with sitcoms, gameshows, and a few board games here and there, really wasn't that bad. My brother was a great big brother. But, when it was time to stay weeks at Nana and Papa’s house, we were more than ready to make that 1 hour and 45 minute trip.

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Everything was different there. Going to church was a big deal. My grandpa was the head deacon, and my grandma was a deaconess, all dressed in white with the other ladies on first Sundays. We’d get up on Sunday morning to a full breakfast of bacon, eggs, grits, and toast – probably why I love grits till this day. But do note, that as the breakfast was being prepared, there was always the aroma of deliciousness baking in the oven even before we finished those creamy, buttery grits – usually a roast or a chicken. It was great to be there.

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While in the service, I would listen attentively. Yep, I was one to sit still and pay attention in church – Sunday school, too.  So, as I heard the stories and lessons of the Bible, I would mostly understand, but of course, some things were just beyond my comprehension. However, the things that I did grasp were things like love one another and to not gossip. I learned that speaking with a filthy mouth and drinking and smoking were frowned upon – and I got it. I understood why. But what puzzled me was hearing my family gossip and witnessing my Papa and other family members cuss, smoke, and drink. Because they were leaders in the church, I thought they should have been ashamed to do such – since they believed the Bible, right!

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Now, please don’t get me wrong. My grandparents were very upstanding people in this town. My Papa owned a business, and my Nana held it together with all the secretarial work. And all the grandkids were recognized in this predominantly white town.

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Now when I turned nine years old, I got baptized. My mom had begun to take us to a Baptist church. Again, I enjoyed the service and listened attentively. I answered the call of the gospel and was baptized. It was a joyous occasion and something that I knew was desired of me to do; we all were Christians, right! So, the time came to visit Nana and being that she knew that I had gotten baptized, she told me that it was time for me to learn The Lord’s Prayer. I was so excited – learned it that day. I was quizzed the following day and was elated to recite it for my Nana. I’ll never forget her response as she leaned forward in the big blue chair right in front of the sunlit screen door, crossword puzzle book in hand and said, “You did it, Cassondra. You remembered all of it!” with a proud and heartful smile . . . which was just as grand as receiving a gold trophy.

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This began my Christian journey and boy-oh-boy, I began to question why those around me claiming to be Christian didn’t seem to measure up to the teachings of the Bible even more. I began to wonder if living the way the Bible teaches is really mattered. I learned that there is a hell that I didn’t want to go to, but it wasn’t just about making it to 

heaven for me – as some say. I loved the Lord and wanted to please Him.

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As time went on, my mother was challenged with being a single parent and going to church was not always first priority. So, just as I was getting used to going, we’d lessen our attendance. I did indeed miss it. Then church became a thing of the past for our family – for a while. And then life just . . . L I F E D! But God has done a mighty work with that little girl with the questions.

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I'll briefly share my journey in the following notetaking fashion:

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Elementary Years

• Started in Missionary Baptist church at grandparents' house

• Started going to Baptist church at home

• Molested by a family member for about 2 years

• Responded to the call with Baptism at age nine

• Nana said learn The Lord’s Prayer – did it in one day

• Mom remarried while in fifth grade – moved – new school

• Step-father molested me – moved

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Middle School

• Since my childhood home became a rent house (occupied); had nowhere to go, moved into my aunt’s husband’s friend’s house – new school

• Mom’s ALS symptoms began

• Aunt’s Friend’s Husband asked us to leave – moved back to first house – new school

• Neighborhood had changed a lot – not so pleasant

• Mom got weaker – I took on adult responsibilities (grocery shopping, paying bills, cooking, laundry, etc.) – had to drive early

• Friend invited me to church – COGIC

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High School

• Another friend invited me to church – same Baptist church I attended when younger

• First boyfriend

• Felt guilty in sin

• Graduated HS

• Mom died

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College

• Got engaged – held captive – escaped

• Felt guilty in sin

• Got married – have first son – husband wanted nothing to do with God – separated (had abortion)

• Got divorced

• Dropped out of college

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At the Club

• Started clubbin’

• Felt guilty in sin

• Aunt asked me to visit her church – Word of Faith (WoF)

• Loved it – felt like I was learning the Bible

• Felt guilty in sin

• Still clubbin’

• Had 2nd abortion

• Felt guilty in sin

• Still clubbin’

• Had 3rd abortion

• Felt guilty in sin

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Finally Got Serious About the Lord

• Stopped clubbin'

• July 2, 2002 - Married a believer (an airman) – attended church together – USAF moved us to SD

• Allowed son to live with his father for one year

• Joined a COGIC church – left because of a tithing issue

• Visited son for the summer – reluctantly allowed him to stay a second year

• Had twins

• Attended the EAFB, SD gospel services – very milky

• Visited son for summer, refused to allow my son to continue to live with his father

• Switched to Open Bible Church

• Moved to Texas while husband was on assignment in S. Korea

• Switched to WoF church again while in Texas – loved it

• Moved to Las Vegas – attended a WoF church again – experienced heresy

• Switched to a prophetic apostolic church – heretical

• Fed up – just visited churches for a while

• Switched to a Reformed Baptist church (OSAS) – embraced it at first – questioned doctrine

• Moved to Bossier City, LA – back to Baptist church – left due to partiality insensitivity

• Fed up with church – visited churches – researched and questioned everything – but never left the Lord

• Found church home – April 2024​

• Still questioning . . . still reading . . . staying awake . . . with a heightened sense of awareness more than ever before!

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I believe my journey was very intentional having allowed us to see many shenanigans and much debauchery while all of it having had a claim “in the Lord.”  And because of this, I know that I am purposed to use my journey – my experience – my transformation to love on my sisters. It has been tumultuous, but nothing compared to some. It was rough for me – and still not guaranteed to be smooth from here on out, but I lived through it to shout about it. God kept me – the inquisitive child who loved the Lord from early on. He allowed me to notice the ungodliness of the “godly” . . . and question salvation. Although the model of salvation I received was superficial, I believed salvation to be much more. I believe that I never received good teaching, nor experienced those who sincerely “followed” Christ, but merely those who sincerely believed that He died and rose to save us all. I started witnessing this as a young child in my family and continued seeing this through many discouraging practices in the church.
 

I don’t blame anyone; I merely understand it to be where many of us are. But something has to change. Just because one has become comfortable with a routine or regimen does not mean that it should be considered a good habit. Just because a thing has been used a certain way forever, doesn’t mean that is what that thing was created to be used for – because it would serve better if used properly. I think y’all get what I mean.

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Living in Las Vegas is where my husband's and my eyes began to be opened to really see. We had access to the leaders in most churches and were able to see and hear the thoughts and plans of these leaders. The Holy Spirit allowed us to witness wickedness in the name of the Lord, and it vexed my spirit such that I had to leave those dens of thieves – often before my husband and abruptly at times. I could not allow myself to complicitly sit under such leaders and disrespect my Lord. One pastor, while admitting his understanding of the pagan practice of Easter made it clear that “We just can’t let the people know that it’s pagan or they won’t come to church.” This kind of leadership is a problem for the church. Not being honest with God’s people for fear of losing a congregation is the epitome of James 3:1, “Not everyone should desire to teach, knowing that we shall receive a stricter judgment.” The gospel is the truth. Only the truth is capable of setting us free – that is if we hear it, understand it, and accept it – live it.

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This example also demonstrates the last point of holding on to traditions that are not beneficial because they bring us joy, yet disregard the reverence due the Lord. We continue in practices to satisfy ourselves and misuse the grace of God.

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Another problem is that we choose which good is better to do, which sin is the atrocity that cannot be overlooked, which people are worthy to be judged more harshly than others, etc. We are all guilty and need to totally submit to what Jesus said in John 13:34, “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another.” We stop short of understanding what it is to love Jesus. John 15:4 tells us what it means to love Jesus: “If you love Me, keep My commandments.” This is the most important commandment because if you don’t comprehend this, you miss the second one.

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There is no way to fulfill loving one another if we don’t grasp the first commandment in its totality. We are not able to pick which commandments of His to keep. So, the second commandment does become your excuse to devalue, negate, or minimize the first. Fulfilling the second commandment seems to be more acceptable these days for many. I hear quite often, “Well, I’m just gonna love everybody and let God judge." There is no accountability – no reproof given to those you claim to love. Upholding the second becomes the litmus test for upholding the first. This is out of order. Upon diligent study, we understand that to love one another rightly is to love Jesus completely first – all commandments become of significant concern, such that the second is fulfilled by default. The first is primary – must have a heart to please Jesus, not merely be aware that He died for your sins and then commit to love His people more than you love Him.

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If you made it this far, I pray that you are blessed. I have a heart to share my testimony to the glory of God – how He held me all along to grow my discernment – to live for Him – to please Him. And I don’t shy away from speaking of the sins of my past; we all have them. But praise God, I am indeed a new creation in Christ.

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Sidebar: I often wonder how much sooner I could have come to this understanding if there were those claiming to be godly sincerely walking in godly discipline before me. So, I commit to share, share, share what I understand it to be to love the Lord – for real! I have committed to posture myself to practice holy discipline. To God be the glory!

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To Love Jesus Requires Discipline and loving one another is just a beautiful overflow.