Christ Doesn't Teach to Forgive Like That

What if we have been taught to forgive . . . wrong? All my life I have been taught to forgive others (everybody), or God will not forgive me. Most of us know or think we know that to forgive everybody for anything is the Christian way, and I agree. However, please allow me to lend a better understanding of forgiveness using Jesus, our Lord and Savior's prime model of salvation -- the ultimate forgiveness.

All the way through the Old Testament, we are shown that repentance was the forerunner to forgiveness. God spoke to Cain in Genesis 4:7 — “If You Do Right, Will Not Your Offering Be Accepted?” We can understand this to have meant that if Cain would have repented, admitted his fault/wrongdoing and corrected his offer, it would have been accepted - he would have been accepted. Does this not show that God is willing to forgive - to be merciful - if we would humble ourselves and merely honor Him -- admit when we fall short of His will.

When it came to those in the wilderness, God would remove His wrath once the people repented and turned back to God. Once they reached a point of humility - enough to admit their need of God, He turned His face back toward them:

"If My people who are called by My name will humble themselves, and pray and seek My face, and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin and heal their land." (2 Chron 7:14)

"Let the wicked forsake his way, And the unrighteous man his thoughts; Let him return to the LORD, And He will have mercy on him; And to our God, For He will abundantly pardon. (Isa 55:7)

One of the most referred to passages which speak on the need for a repentant heart is David who eventually demonstrated a humble, repentant heart. In 2 Sam 12:1-13, we are informed how David was forgiven after he admitted his sin to the prophet Nathan whom God sent to him. God forgave after he repented.

In the New Testament, the significance of repentance before forgiveness continues. In Matthew 6:14 -15, Jesus says, "For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses." I absolutely believe this as truth. Let's take a look at how this works following the patterns that we have learned. God will only forgive my sins if I forgive other people for their sins. One could - and maybe should - question what that looks like.

Have you ever had extreme difficulty with forgiving someone who has never come to you asking for forgiveness. They just go on acting as though all is well. They may even question why you haven't gotten over the offense already. And you just can't conceive how someone could be so cruel, so cold and unfeeling. How could someone just discount the relationship, showing no regard nor compassion for your feelings? How much easier would it be to retain a relationship with them if they would come demonstrating that they value the relationship asking for forgiveness because they acknowledge that the trust and respect once present has been harmed. But because you know that we all make bad decisions at times, when a genuine apology is given, it softens your heart and forgiveness is much easier to grant. This has been the demonstration from the very beginning.

Again Jesus informs in Mat 18:15-17, 21-22:

"Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother. 16 "But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that 'by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.' 17 "And if he refuses to hear them, tell [it] to the church. But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector. ... 21 Then Peter came to Him and said, "Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?" 22 Jesus said to him, "I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven." In Luke 17:3-4 we are commanded to "Take heed to yourselves. If your brother sins against you, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. 4 "And if he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times in a day returns to you, saying, 'I repent,' you shall forgive him."

Again, forgiveness is greatly emphasized having added elaboration of how repentance before forgiveness can be granted and details how other people may become involved to hopefully help the offender see the err of his ways. We see another pattern developing here: God sent Nathan to David to help him come to repentance. This occurrence is painted throughout the OT. Israel rebelled, God sent prophets urging repentance:

"Therefore I will judge you, O house of Israel, every one according to his ways," says the Lord GOD. "Repent, and turn from all your transgressions, so that iniquity will not be your ruin. (Eze 18:30)

"Wash yourselves, make yourselves clean; Put away the evil of your doings from before My eyes. Cease to do evil, (Isa 1:16)

"And the LORD has sent to you all His servants the prophets, rising early and sending [them], but you have not listened nor inclined your ear to hear. (Jer 25:4)

The passage in Matthew 18 highlights repentance and forgiveness so well, leaving no questions about how we are to forgive. But this passage also introduces how forgiveness will not be granted. Just as God sent many prophets to warn the people to repent, it appears that the idea of sending others to plead with the offender to repent is the operable method. If the accused chooses not to repent after you have rebuked him (either made them aware of the offense if unknown or rightly confronted them) we are instructed to bring two or three witness back. Forgiveness is not granted, but prayer is warranted. Although the witnesses you bring are not prophets as in the OT, they are present to help the one who sinned turn toward righteousness. If the heart of the accused remains hardened, forgiveness is still not granted - even though your heart may be willing. Just as God was in the wilderness patiently waiting, even so today, He gives time for the heart to repent. This does not permit, however, the one waiting for an apology to show anything but loving-kindness toward them. God was patient and so must we be. We are told to pray for our enemies, so how much more a sister who refuses to acknowledge her sin. Because we know the outcome of unrepentant sin, we are moved to pray for her. However, it is very important to not allow oneself to offend God by operating outside of His express instructions, so wait and pray for the brother/sister. If this is God's mode of operation, and I believe it is, do not offer forgiveness to one with an unrepentant heart. Jesus does not ask us to do that. What if God's desire is that the sinning one humble himself and walk in righteousness and acknowledge his wrongful behavior? Scripture told us to, if need be, take the one who sinned against you before the church - to do that which would even bring public shame upon him in hopes to bring him unto repentance. Is there not a lesson in it? Could there be a lesson in it? I have no doubt that there is a lesson in it. The lesson is broadcast all throughout the OT and even in the NT. If God has set forgiveness up in this manner, then we must walk in forgiveness in this manner. It is indeed a matter of the heart!

Eph 4:32 "says, And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you." Heed the latter portion of the verse: "...as God in Christ forgave you." Let's remember how God came to forgive us in Christ, by way of Christ, through Christ. We must believe that God sent His Son as the Offering for forgiveness, BUT what is necessary to receive the forgiveness of God? It is not merely belief. It is repentance. One must have a repentant heart. In fact, the Bible says that we must endure with a repentant heart until the end. We must have a posture of moving sin far from us - such that when we sin, we humbly repent to be assured of His forgiveness. This has been and still is how forgiveness works. So, yes, “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” (1John 1:19)

Forgiving one another is so important that Mark 11:25 says, "And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses. Forgiving others is so important that God says to not even pray until you have forgiven all in need of your forgiveness. That means you are responsible to the one who repents to you. You must forgive them seventy times seven times just as Peter was told, which means you forgive as many times as they humbly ask for forgiveness. Sounds right! God forgives us every time we humbly repent and ask Him for forgiveness. Praise God!

One last thing, we should not mistake is that we are forgiving exactly as God forgives. God knows everything - the hearts of all men; we do not. God knows who will be given over to a reprobate mind. Romans 1:28, "And even as they did not like to retain God in [their] knowledge, God gave them over to a debased mind, to do those things which are not fitting." We will never know who refuses to do good, and it should not be our concern. So, in hopes of repentance, we are to pray lovingly and patiently for the one who professes Christ as Lord and Savior. And there is no limit to the number of times we forgive them; we forgive and keep on forgiving just as scripture shows God forgiving us every time we humble ourselves and repent.